A Meeting With Mrs. Brown

November 1, 2012 at 9:57 am

Thanks for taking the time to meet with me today, Mr. Sanders.  I know that as Principal, you have many responsibilities and I can’t imagine the challenges of overseeing the education and behavior of a school full of rambunctious children.

I reached out because I am worried about the well being of my son, Charlie.  You see, he’s a special boy who, like most of us (am I right?) has a world of insecurities to deal with and for some reason, many children have gone out of their way to bully him.

Let’s start with Frieda.  For some reason, I don’t know, maybe it’s her naturally curly hair, she comes across as a girl with a superiority complex.  My precious Charlie has informed me that she has referred to him as ‘blockhead’ at least 4 different times this week.  Is this sort of vicious name calling seriously allowed on school grounds?

Is *that* what kids are calling it these days?

The Van Pelt girl is no good either, while we’re at it.  I noticed several bruises on Charlie’s backside.  I finally got him to confess that these bruises were on account of Lucy pulling a football from under him a mere moment before he attempted to kick it.  Does this seem fair to you? Completely barbaric if you ask me!  Furthermore, you may want to dig deeper into her “extra-curricular” activities.  Charlie informed me she’s been hustling him for nickels.  Why would he pay a supposed friend for “psychiatric help?” Isn’t that what our taxes pay you to do? What exact service could she be providing to your students…behind a counter…away from your watchful eye? I shudder to think about it.

I really worry about him, you know.  To make matters worse, the only person at school who pays any sort of attention to him at all is her little brother and if you ask me, between the thumb sucking and attachment to his blanket, he should probably get on some meds.

Why is he a target anyways? What’s not to love? He’s a snappy dresser with a kind disposition!  Yeah, I know it’s somewhat odd that a grade school child could be premature balding but it’s not his fault! He can’t help it, he was born this way!

If anyone should be bullied it’s that Schroeder boy.  Always playing that piano as if he’s smarter than everyone else.  I think the only reason he doesn’t get picked on is because Lucy is always hanging on him.

Thank goodness for Patty.  She’s really helped Charlie get along.  Not sure why their friend Marcie keeps calling her ‘sir’ but I know I speak for a community of fans when I say we’re excited to hear Patty is bringing her energy and leadership to the Girls Soccer Team!

I’d like to wrap this up, if you don’t mind.  I’ve got Invisible Fence coming to the house this afternoon.  Our dog just won’t leave the neighborhood kids alone and the entire block is concerned for their own safety! Oh, and did I tell you how little Sally and I got a spot on “Toddlers and Tiaras?” We’re so excited! We’re going to be famous!

Sally Brown

Can I count on you to remedy this Charlie situation, Principal Sanders?

WAH WOMP WAH WAH WAH WAH WOMP WAH

Thanks for your time.