A Level 3 Audit of Will.I.Am and Britney Spears “Scream And Shout”

January 31, 2013 at 12:47 pm

It’s always a fun exercise for me to listen to the most current pop music offerings and deconstruct them without prejudice.  Whether you may recognize it or not, many of these songs gain popularity through exposure in television commercials.  During the holiday season, my eyes and ears were bazooka blasted with a commercial for Beats By Dre headphones (I have a special place in the darkest places of my heart for those over-priced, glorified, supposed symbols of status). In this ad, a variety of celebrities and athletes are shown dancing around while sporting these headphones.

It was at this moment I first heard the single “Scream and Shout” by Will.I.Am with Britney Spears.  Since then, it has gained popularity and exposure on radio stations across our sometimes brutally disfigured nation.  Today, my honest interpretation of this ear worm.

Bring the action

Thanks for the advance warning.  I’m assuming this ‘action’ will include projectile vomiting.

When your hear us in the club
You gotta turn the shit up
You gotta turn the shit up
You gotta turn the shit up

Will and Brit with some proper self-diagnosis.  This song is shit.

Try underwear next time you're "up in the club."

Try underwear next time you’re “up in the club.”

When we up in the club
All eyes on us
All eyes on us
All eyes on us

Hard to not notice the trail of Cheetos dust leading to the maw of your Sarlacc Pit, Brit.  Yeah, I’m watching.

See the boys in the club
They watching us
They watching us
They watching us

Everybody in the club
All eyes on us
All eyes on us
All eyes on us

Look at my self logo-ed jumpsuit! Fucking look at it!

Look at my self logo-ed jumpsuit! Fucking look at it!

I’ve already noticed a trend in this song.  Just a tinge self-absorbed, eh.  Perfect for our ‘look at me now’ socially connected culture.

I wanna scream and shout and let it all out
And scream and shout and let it out
We sayin’ oh we oh we oh we oh
We sayin’ oh we oh we oh we oh
I wanna scream and shout and let it all out
And scream and shout and let it out
We sayin’ oh we oh we oh we oh

There they are.  Some of the deepest, most thought provoking lyrics ever penned.  Credit: Britney Spears 6 year old demon seed.

You are now now rocking with
will.i.am and Britney bitch
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Bring the action

I’ve got a lot of hope for this song at this point.  Waiting on a lyric that rhymes “bottles” with “models.”  Don’t let me down, guys!

Rock and roll
Everybody let’s lose control
On the bottom we let it go
Going faster, we ain’t going slow-low-low
Hey yo
Hear the beat, now let’s hit the floor
Drink it up and then drink some more
Light it up and let’s let it blow

Dammit! “Floor” and “more!” I should’ve known! Am I not better than this? No.  No, I am not.

All substance.  No flash.

All substance. No flash.

Hey yo
Rock it out and rock it now
If you know what we talking bout
Turn it up and burn down the house ha house
Hey yo
Turn it up and go turn it down
Here we go we go shake it
Cause everywhere we go we
Bring the action

This is so very weak.  I can’t believe we consume this.  Hey Will.I.Am, PM Dawn thinks you’re past your prime.  Disgusting.

It goes on and on and on and on
When me and you party together
I wish this night would last forever
Cause I was feeling down and now feel better
It goes on and on and on and on
When me and you party together
I wish this night would last forever
Forever forever ever ever

It does indeed go “on and on” doesn’t it? However I’m experiencing the opposite effect you describe here.  I felt better before hearing this.  Now I’m jamming a tarnished teaspoon in my ear hole trying to dull the pain.

"Honey, the new babysitter's here."

“Honey, the new babysitter’s here.”

I wanna scream and shout and let it all out
And scream and shout and let it out
We sayin’ oh we oh we oh we oh
We sayin’ oh we oh we oh we oh
I wanna scream and shout and let it all out
And scream and shout and let it out
We sayin’ oh we oh we oh we oh
We sayin’ oh we oh we oh we oh
I wanna scream and shout and let it all out
And scream and shout and let it out
We sayin’ oh we oh we oh we oh

You are now now rocking with
will.i.am and Britney bitch

Is it over? Jesus.  This song is the audio equivalent of an animated .gif file.

I received the news of a Black Eyed Peas breakup with immense enthusiasm.  As it turns out, Will.I.Am won’t be a part of that break.  You win again, universe.  We all suffer because of it.  Full disclosure: I’ve always enjoyed Britney Spears, the music, and the roller coaster ride associated with her career.  I know her next effort will be an improvement from this atrocious “collaboration.”

Also, you’re welcome in advance.  Good luck getting this song out of your inner dialogue.