Amended Rules-Blackhawks Edition

February 23, 2013 at 7:14 pm
Witness the most bad ass logo in all of pro sports.

Witness the most bad ass logo in all of pro sports.

The Chicago Blackhawks have flown out of the gates strong in this lockout-shortened NHL season.  With a record of 14-0-3, Chicago has achieved the fastest regular or irregular season start in NHL history.

Knowing that most professional sports leagues strive for parity, I would like to propose the following Blackhawk specific rules to NHL commissioner Gary Bettman (booooooo).  I’m sure he doesn’t have anything else to do.

The Oduya rule:  Johnny Oduya (who’s 26-2-7 when in the lineup since joining the Blackhawks at the trade deadline last season) is only allowed to dress every 3rd game…with only one skate.  And a skate guard.

The Toews rule:  Goals scored by the Chicago team captain are null and void until he can grow a full beard.

Get familiar, Marian.

Get familiar, Marian.

The Hossa rule:  Marian Hossa can only skate on the playing surface while pushing a training bar.  No stick. Also, no helmet increasing his chances for a concussion after a vicious elbow to the skull.

The Kane rule:  Opposing teams are allowed to throw spare change at Chicago’s leading scorer from their bench ensuring he always has enough for cab fare post game.

Mandatory Goaltender Trade:  The league will force Chicago to send both Ray Emery and Corey Crawford to Vancouver in exchange for Roberto LuongHAHAHAHAHA…Kidding.

It is my sincere hope that these proposed rule changes alter the competitive landscape of the league.  It’s been slightly one sided so far this season and I really would enjoy it if other teams, you know, presented a challenge.

*Note:  I am fully aware that the arrogant nature of this post will result in, at minimum, the Blackhawks first regulation loss of the season.  Or will it?  Play me out, Chelsea…